At the height of the pandemic, I used Headspace to meditate. I could see the potential it had to your inner thoughts but it was never a big success for me. If I look back on the meditation course, the 3-5 minute guided meditations were a struggle to get through. It’s a skill to learn, but my unpracticed mind kept going all over the place. Which frustrated me, and after a few weeks of little progress I stopped.

The thing that kind of worked for me where the sleepcasts. A narrated story to help you fall asleep. And sleep is one of the things that’s rough when you get told you have cancer. Or at least for me, it was.

Even though I have medication to help me sleep. Whenever I wake up once or twice a night, my mind is 100% on. I decided to give meditating and sleepcasts another try. Unfortunately, Headspace no longer has a free tier. I tried several apps but couldn’t find one that worked as well as Headspace. So I went for a subscription.

At this moment I have a 29-day streak of using one of their sessions at least once per day. I’ve gone from the basics 1 course, to basics 3 and they even have a pretty lengthy course on coping with cancer.

Some of the differences I noticed so far:

  • In the first week of chemotherapy the “chemobrain” is real. And it’s much harder to focus. Not only on meditating but all thinking. Add mood swings to the mix and you have a great combination for late-night pondering.
  • Sleepcasts work 50/50. Sometimes they help me fall asleep. Sometimes it’s like driving a car with a broken steering axle. The moment you stop forcing the car on the road it goes where you don’t want it. And that’s okay. It’s better to take a step back and write down what’s on my mind. And try to sleep again a little bit later. That works better than “forcing” myself to sleep.
  • It’s easier to meditate in bed lying down than to take a short break in a chair. I notice that 10-minute mediations are much easier to complete. Compared to my pandemic meditations.

Cover Photo: A train running by a platform at high speed. Comparable to my thoughts at night.